So today, not a bad day in total, had a bit of a situation.

temporary traffic lights, with a roundabout half shut, half way through the distance between lights. My lights turn green, so I set off and then out of nowhere appears a little Ford Ka with an L stuck on the bonnet coming the other way. As I drove carefully between the roadworks and this little car the instructor started mouthing at me as if it was my fault. So I pointed out that he must have instructed his client to drive through a red light and that maybe this isnt the best way to attempt a driving test. He immediatly used the F word and got out of the car…

He then started pushing my door mirror, intimidating, or at least trying to, me.  He got quite upset and angry and I dont suppose my laughter helped at all. I mentioned that he perhaps shouldnt break my car or the police would be involved as well as the owner of the vehicle. He just went all bravado at that and this enforced my idea that this was probably his daughter he was teaching (badly) and that therefore he wasnt a real driving instuctor. He opened my door and left it like that as he walked away.

He really wanted me to get out and participate in fistycuffs, which I was SOOO tempted to do. However, the council would find out and probably suspend me pending an investigation so I held myself in.

I was amazed at myself, to be frank. Ive never been a violent person, always seeking to avoid confrontation, but I was fully prepared to rub his face in the hedge and then maybe break his arm.   The cool way I was contemplating this causes me some concern. I think there may be something within me that detaches itself and allows me to consider  doing something like this. No emotion. Just, this needs to be done, so do it quickly and efficiently and dont take any pleas for mercy. Ive never experienced this in my life. Something has changed . I dont know what.

Anyway, the chill factor no longer working at all, unless you call being calm and detached from the actual activity, chilled.

I dont know if I like this me. But at least this me isnt likely to be pushed around, like the boy me was.

So…………..what would happen if I was out in my skirt and somebody started on me? i dread to think, unless that person is demonstratively (is that the right word?) larger than me, I worry that I might react in a physical way and this has two downsides…

1/ I always propose that we Love all, and Hurt none, so that would be in opposition

2/  I have no experience of fighting as Ive never had a fight in my life.

Two very good reasons to control myself, to find a way of chilling within, to being more……………something else…………..but I dont want to be a scardy cat like my youth.

Its a difficult thing, knowing what to do. Maybe I should just see where this takes me.

(can I say this now?) Love all, Hurt none, and Walk in Soft Shoes

Isi Tart


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s